With all do respect sir, I have zero respect for you.

Seven cool things I wish I wanted to do:

1.Drink black coffee. I think it tastes gross but it’s pretty hardcore.

Courtesy of postsecret

2. Ride rollercoasters. I always wanted to be that awesome girl who likes fast rides. Unfortunately I get nauseous riding the tilt-a-whirl and fight to not panic on a ferris wheel.

This is about as crazy as I get. Honestly, sometimes a merry-go-round is a little fast for me.

3. Stop biting my nails. My cousin was over this weekend and asked for a nail file. I realized I didn’t have oneĀ  because I rely on my snaggle teeth to rip off any shred of a nail longer than .25 mm. Did you know you can give someone a cold sore by biting their nails? You can.

4. Spend time in nature/camping. My hippie friends love it. They collect bear poop (scat) and wear waders so they can jump in FL rivers and maybe get bit by a ‘gator. They have lots of cool gear through Patagonia prodeals and are generally badass. I, on the other hand, give up after a mile and set up a tent on a hill in the rain. With my boots left outside to collect water overnight.

2001. This is what a good friend looks like. Or a defeated one.

5. Eat spicy foods. Ahh, to the be the girl that likes spicy foods AND rollercoasters? What a catch she would be. Instead I enjoy a nice bowl of plain rice and some water.

6. Boast an elephant’s memory. Honestly, I have pretty much the worst memory possible and I tend to show it off in the ditziest ways (e.g., “You know him. He has that face…he was at that thing…wearing those pants…you know?”, “POWMIA? What’s that?” and my favorite, “I did what in high school?” I have friends that recollect the most minute detail of someone’s outfit or a dream from 12 years ago and I am lucky if I remember to wash my face.

7. Breaking the rules. I didn’t drink in high school or drive before I had my license. I don’t lie on my taxes or paint curbs red (cough cough, Donna). I am so nervous of getting caught that I am paralyzed with fear when an opportunity to be a baller arises. Some day I will totally use the bathroom when the seat belt sign is lit up. Or not.

I think I just described KJY in listing everything I want to be/do. My man Vin, my friend, you are one lucky dude.

Amazeaballs.

One thought on “With all do respect sir, I have zero respect for you.

  1. KJY totally puts milk/cream in her coffee. She even carries a few tablespoons of powdered milk with her while on 40-mile-a-day jaunts, so she doesn’t have to do something tough like drink her instant Joe unadultered. So don’t feel too bad– we all have our soft sides.

Wise words? Bring it.