Tinker away, Tinkerbell, straight to Never-Never Win Land.

This morning I woke up and asked Ellis how he felt. He said “sick” and then asked if we could stretch together. I asked him again after we went downstairs and he replied indignantly: “I already told you mama. I already told you upstairs. I feel sick.” Fair enough.

Last night I slept next to him in case he decided to pull a “cough puke”. It’s pretty self-explanatory. And disgusting. You know what else is gross? The current temperature.

I would be complaining more except the cold probably has the backyard bastard squirrel chattering his tiny pointy teeth … giving me some peace in my already frigid heart.

Look at his nasty beady eyes. Mr. Swirley is considering trying out the BB gun we found in the basement.

We received a bird house for Christmas and I have resolved to NOT look to the Interwebs for tips on deterring squirrels from emptying it of all of its goodies. Instead we are attempting the ole trial and error method using our own ideas (it’s more fun that way. And probably more expensive). Except when it’s frustrating. Most recently I coated the pole in Vaseline and rubbed my incredibly sticky hands together in preparation for the bastard’s failed attempts at thievery. However, it is I that failed.

“Mo…Annie? Annie? After this show we can watch another show.” So that just happened.

OH! So we are still in the running for a remodel show. As if we didn’t make big enough asses out of ourselves at the test shoot at Lowe’s (no, we did. REALLY BIG ASSES), they came by this weekend and taped at our place. When we first met the crew at the store, I was talking to a random lady who was telling me what fridge to buy (“Oh you don’t want black. Nnnnnmmmm!”) while Mr. Swirley wandered away. That really pleased the producer…me being with a weirdo while my own weirdo was nowhere to be seen. Then we started to sweat and say crazy things … and it went downhill from there. Mr. Swirley came home and apparently replayed the conversation through inaudible muttering for a good week or so. But they still asked to come tape at our house. We will see how it goes – best case we pay a boat load in taxes and have no say in the remodel, worst case is our fridge keeps leaking until we buy a new one. Either way, it was fun in an extremely embarrassing way.

And this weekend I figured out how to get EK to start napping again. It’s been about three months since he slept at home and it has been driving us crazy. Apparently I just sit outside of his room playing Scramble on my phone and tell him to get back into bed three times. Then he gives up and goes to bed. I am so happy we totally know what we are doing with this parenting thing. Good God.

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