I always go the extra mile to avoid doing things.

My hands won’t stop sweating. Gross. It could be due to the fact that I am wearing 12 layers of clothing and sitting 1/2 inch away from a space heater that is set to 85.

Taco, taco, taco. I am not sure why that word keeps flashing in front of my eyes. Any ideas?

Ellis has been a bit of a tyrant lately. Two nights ago he woke up at 2:30 AM screaming his face off. We let him cry until 3 AM and then went into his room to check on the little man. What did he want? Yogurt. Yes, sweet, delicious early morning yogurt..served up to him by dad and only dad. Then a little tour around his room to say g’night to his friends and back down. Weirdo.

Last night I turned on his fancy, new butterfly light thing from his great grandpa and EK ran around the house yelling “buhfly, flap! flap!” and wildly waved his arms up and down.

In case you are wondering the lyrics to the traditional nursery rhyme, “Ba, Ba, Black Sheep”- it goes a little something like this.
Mom: Ba Ba black sheep have you any wool?
EK: Bobbing his head around and throwing in a baabaa
Mom: Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. On for my…
EK: Dada!
Mom: and for my…
EK: Dada!!
Mom: and for the little…
EK: Dada! Baabaaa
Mom: Black sheep…

My house is so messy. I wish I could take a giant eraser and start over again. I also haven’t checked the mail in three days because I am too lazy to walk outside. The box is three feet from my door.

Ooh! Ellis has a new friend in the building. Ms. Katelyn Rae was born a few days ago and is the sweetest peanut ever. We are besties (she peed on me, so I think that makes us friends).

In preparing for our upcoming trip to CA, I am working to stop using the term “terrorist” in reference to EK. Honestly, it’s not going too well.

We are on week two of menu planning. On Sunday, I made a curry dish that offered up enough saturated fat in one serving to max out your weekly allowance. I start to gag even thinking about it. Ellis seemed to enjoy the curried chicken until Mr. Swirley gave him a piece that appeared to singe his little mouth and thus discourage him from eating for the rest of the night (hence the early AM yogurt debacle). Oh well.

Taco.

Ew gross.

That is what everyone is going to think when they see Ellis from now until May.The poor little guy is just coughing in his sleep and as a result I am lamenting the fact that no one will volunteer to hold him for the next 12 years because he is a huge, walking germ. Oh well. He is my baby and I have to love him.

Point of clarification on my last entry. We in no way can afford a nearly $300 particle board storage cube thing. I don’t know if I was high off the of freedom of shopping sans family (“I’ll take that and that and that” while wildly pointing) or panicking because I realized my phone clock was 15 minutes off and Ellis was about to be the last kid at daycare, but the moment I got home I realized what a terrible idea these cubes were. Oh, I still made Mr. Swirley assemble three of the six – returning them in flat, sealed boxes would be too obvious a case of buyer’s remorse. Plus I was still pretending I could buy whatever I wanted. Once I trade in my avocado and God knows what else-covered receipt for a credit to my MasterCard it will be like I made money! Really Mr. Swirley should be thanking me for this entire time-wasting effort.

In other savings news, we collected all the scrap metal from this little gutter project and cashed it in for a whopping $50.00 ($25.00 of which went to the guy who loaded it into his truck and took it to the scrap yard). And I reviewed my Dominick’s grocery receipt and found that they didn’t give me all of my discounts and got my $6.00 back. Boo-ya! I refuse to leave that place without seeing a 30% savings on my receipt (note the spelling Ms. Davis – you second grade teacher, you). I know they could just lower all of the prices instead of  making me hunt around the store for card prices and “personalized deals”, but they know me too well. If it’s not on sale I am not getting a deal. What is wrong with me?

It’s 3:30 AM my neighbors in the unit directly and two units above are awake. I guess I should ask what is wrong with all of us?

If I ever die, do me a favor. Go on Oprah and tell the world that I loved kittens.

We are back from our first trip away from Ellis and all three of us survived. I am pretty sure he didn’t notice we were gone, but as you probably expected (though I surprised myself) he was sorely missed by yours truly. Mr. Swirley and I constantly asked each other “I wonder what Ellis is doing now”…because he leads such a wild and exciting life. Apparently so do we if that is the only thing we have to say to each other. We did manage to have some fun in Boston while stepping over piles of Bruins fans’ vomit and kicking garbage into Boston’s lovely gutters. Maybe I should rewind.

Last Wednesday and Thursday were epic. I don’t even really remember them. Something to do with a two-hour trip to Ho-Ho’s, lunch at Whole Foods, class at Gymboree, packing, cleaning (sort of), picking up the car and some other stuff. You know what else I didn’t remember? Ellis’ food.

Yes. After packing up every item in the house and stuffing it all into our recently repaired RAV-4, we drove out to St. Charles (an hour away) and unpacked the car. Twenty-five outfits? Yep. Ten hats? Of course. A bag of blocks? Why not? But no food. NO FOOD. What kind of mother am I? I remember a blog post I read a while back written by my cousin. Well, really it’s my cousin’s wife but I call her my cousin because I feel like we are related. Anyway, she wrote about how whenever she felt like she had a handle on this motherhood thing, she would go and do something crazy that would take her down a few notches. Forgetting your baby’s food has to rank pretty high on the scale of screwing up. So after calling Lady Jayne and NVS and enduring a bit of ridicule, I gathered some info on formula and crossed my fingers. Evidently this is something they expect us to do and don’t know why I am surprised. Touche, NVS, touche.

Friday morning I smelled Ellis’ head one last time and headed out to O’Hare. I have a random tid bit with regard to the O’Hare bathrooms. For those of you who don’t know, the bathroom toilet seats boast a plastic toilet seat cover that changes every time you wave your hand past the sensor thing. Up until this weekend, I was 99% sure that it was a bunch of BS and that cover just goes round and round in a circle but you think it’s super hygienic because there are sensors and movement involved. So this time I decided to test my theory and ripped the plastic. I then realized that I could very well break the mechanism by doing such a thing, but it was too late. I am happy to report that the tear did not show up again so we are good to go to the loo at O’Hare without fear of trading germs with the dirty French lady that arrived an hour ago.

Anyway, on the the way to the airport, I emailed Lady Jayne and asked her to take care of Ellis if we die. I don’t really know if that type of thing would hold up in court, but since we are irresponsible parents and still don’t have a Will, I thought it was worth a shot.

Boston was nice. We figured out the T, went for a walk in Boston Common and successfully avoided most Bruins fans. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for all the Mass. fans, but they sort of ruined the colonial Boston experience we were hoping for. We did sneak a harbor cruise in because what else should you do when you are a tourist?

Swans and a the world’s shortest suspension bridge ( Boston Public Gardens)

Boston Common House backs the Bruins
Mr. Swirley following the red brick road

View from the harbor

Then we went to a wedding. It was exceptional. Markypants and RR (and their families) were lovely hosts and the venue was spectacular. Four singers, oysters and desserts as far as the eye can see. Uhmazing.

“Look at all the fun you missing, Mark!”
The lovely bride and her papa

Married!
The picture doesn’t do the tent (or the band) justice.
Mazel Tov!

And it wouldn’t be a five star wedding without a photo booth.

G’town (Law). Holla! Sort of.
Us with the photo booth guy. I thought he was as much a part of the wedding as the groom.
We made it until midnight and were the first people on the shuttle home. Then came grandparents. In that order. Dear Lord. The next morning we hiked it to the Silver Line and were at the airport an hour and a half early. According to Mr. Swirley, that is barely enough to time to get on the plane. An episode of “White Collar” later (what? don’t judge. It was a free Itunes download) and we were almost home. We picked our car up in lot E (aka Indiana) and managed to get lost on our way to Mrs. D’s house…not like we live in the Chicagoland area or anything. A swim with EK (he likes to think of pools as large cups from which he drinks), some Father’s Day dinner and back home again home again jiggety jig.

Wedding #4 is this weekend in Milwaukee. That’s Algonquin for the “good land”.

The early bird gets the cat litter

This morning Ellis decided that he needed to be up and moving at 5 AM. It was super. I guess I shouldn’t complain because he slept from 7 PM to 3:30 AM, but I still will. Since he seemed so eager to start the day, I got him dressed and ready and we were at daycare at 7 AM. Second time EVER. Dominick’s was just a few blocks away so I decided that it was totally reasonable to go grocery shopping before work. With my little coupon savings folder and some strategery, guess how much I saved? You can’t. It’s that much. 59%. On stuff I actually need/want, not just mass quantities of cheap Cap’n Crunch or something. So hell, idle hands, right? Now I have a pork roast cooking, dishes running and a load of laundry in. I am not sure if I should be proud of this morning’s to-do list or slightly terrified at my efficiency in completing household chores.

In other news, KJY’s scarf is four feet behind me and I can still smell its hippieness.

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

This morning I laid in bed with Ellis as we held hands and he talked to me for fifteen minutes straight. Rewind 12 hours and replace AM Ellis with me and AM me with Lee. Poor poor Lee. I now understand what he feels like when I am a chatty Kathy and all he wants to do is sleep. Don’t worry, I will forget my sympathy by bedtime tonight and resume my incessant babbling.

Two of Ellis’ friends came over (Tate and Grace) today and they had a competition to see who could spit up more on themselves. I have to say Grace has some mad skills and gave Ellis a run for his money. I also got Ellis to sit up on his own for over two minutes and then his feet turned blue. I diagnosed him with beingtoofatitis whereby his gut cuts off his circulation. Not sure what to do about that as I don’t foresee him losing weight any time soon.

Grandpa Earley (aka Tommy D) is rolling in tomorrow so Mr. Swirley and I are going to go out on a date. Not sure what we are going to do, but trust me that it will be amazing and you will jealous at how much fun we have. We might do something crazy like go to a movie and make some returns to Crate and Barrel. We have to live it up now before Mr. Swirley gets all lame and 33 next month.