Five 1980s movies that will make you ache for a rad rat tail + a Netflix giveaway!

Feldman on the Wendy William's Show in Oct. 2014.

Feldman on the Wendy William’s Show in Oct. 2014.

PEOPLE OF THE INTERWEBS!! Stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW. Today is the day you can finally buy Corey Feldman’s new single, “Mercy“. Awww yea. Did you know he has two others LPs?  I didn’t. One entitled “Still Searching for Soul” (1999) and the other aptly named, “Former Child Actor” (2002).

I love this for so many reasons. Mainly because it elicits a wave of nostalgia for my childhood crushes and hours spent watching ridiculous amazing movies on repeat while wearing sifting through my caboodle and eating frozen orange juice concentrate from the can. Don’t ask.

Lately I have found myself re-watching a lot of diddies streaming via Netflix because they are fabulous AND I can be interrupted a zillion times by a 3.5 year old and not lose my place in the film.

Let’s take a little walk down memory lane, shall we? And before I forget, want to check out these movies for yourself? Like Swirleytime on Facebook and post your fave movie that makes you wax nostalgic in the comments section to be entered to win THREE FREE MONTHS of Netflix streaming service. I’ll give a virtual high-five to the winner on April 30 via the Facebooks.

Coreys domination.

Two Coreys domination.

1. License to Drive. I mean, you can’t talk about  1980s movies without including the Two Coreys. Sadly, Corey Haim left us in 2010, but we can celebrate his career with films such as this this one. Boy meets girl. Boy is grounded. Boy doesn’t have license. Boy sneaks out and “borrows” gramps’ Caddy. Boy loses mind as his car is brutally battered over the course of an evening. Boy is forgiven. Boy gets the girl. How can you not appreciate a plot like this?

2. Spaceballs. I am willing to watch pretty much any movie that boasts John Candy as a cast-member. Even Nothing But Trouble, which is probably the most terrible film ever produced. But I digress…

Take every sci-fi movie I never watched and make fun of them, throw in Joan Rivers, Rick Moranis and that girl from Melrose Place, along with a a lot of sexual innuendo I didn’t quite understand, and BOOM!  Sign me up!

3. Grease. To be honest, this one now makes me gag a little; that’s how many times I watched it. I had a thing for those pink polyester jackets and Sandy’s spandex pants,OK?


GIFSoup

4. Steel Magnolias. What 10-year-old girl didn’t love this movie? Family in-fighting, perms,  grumpy old ladies and an armadillo cake. Actually, I probably reference it once a week; I really identify with Ouiser (aka Shirley McLaine). “I’m pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch ‘fore I couldn’t help myself.”

5. Coming to America. Eddie Murphy with lumpy make-up, a giant fur coat and Soul Glo. Enough said.

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GIFSoup

But Netflix doesn’t stream all of the goodies from the 1980s. So fancypants execs, if you are listening, let’s get the following up and running so I can spend even more time ignoring my kid introduce my kid to the awesomeness that was the 1980s: Beetlejuice, The Shining, Jumping Jack Flash, Uncle Buck, The Burbs, Labyrinth, Little Monsters and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, Overboard.
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With me magic always comes first.

Guess who is still one of the top destinations for those spending their precious time searching the web for updates on Overboard cast members? That’s right, friends, f’ing SWIRLEYTIME.

grant overboard

I don’t know how to make the pictures clearer, but if you squint, you can see that, right? #1 in the WHOLE WIDE INTERWEBS for “where is he now Jeffrey Wiseman from Overboard?”  Besides the obvious grammatical issues associated with this particular search, this is the best thing that could ever be typed into the little Google box. Except for: Swirleytime’s exclusive access to Jamie Wild’s wedding (which is happening people, it’s happening. I mean, the wedding. I saw it on the Facebook. I don’ t think I am invited.) Just know that Swirleytime shows up before the Wikipedia entry for Overboard and even my boy J’s IMDB entry. You knew me when.

That is all.

Darth Vader owns the Dallas Cowboys.

DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS???? I mean, of course you did. How could you not unless you live under a water barrel? It’s pretty much the HUGEST THING TO HAPPEN in 2012. Yes my friends, our favorite child actor from Overboard, Jamie Wild, is now engaged.

Jamie is pictured in the bottom left…in Goldie’s loving embrace.

I know! How pumped were you to find out? How did I learn of this amazing update? Facebook. He still hasn’t defriended me. I am guessing he will go ahead and do that after this post, but it’s totally worth it because I can:

1) Brag about knowing this fab piece of information and, if I have the balls…

2) Suggest this sweet little spring frock for the bridesmaids.

I will take the chicken entree and I fully expect to be seated next to Goldie.

Maybe you’ll spark to this! (part III)

I attempted to pen a “where are they now?” post on actors from the films Willow and Return to Oz, but I am simply not passionate about those flicks. I can quote them, and joke about severed heads and hot Val Kilmer, but I just don’t have it in me to dedicate hours (eek) of free time doing frivolous research on random cast members. Instead, let’s try to delve a little deeper into the activities of the cast of Overboard – there are certainly more characters that deserve recognition and apparently I am more of a freak than I originally thought. But not as much as this guy; even for me, this dude is Crazytown.

If you don’t want to watch it (which is probably a good idea), this is what goes down: He spends three minutes summarizing Overboard and attempts to draw an analogy between the film’s overall message and his motivational presentation on “removing one’s blinders”. I am not going to lie when I say I incorporated a a number of Goonies and Overboard quotes into my final few college essays, but this might be taking it too far. Or at least be a little more freaking enthusiastic when you are talking about the greatest love story every told.

I always misspell definitely as defiantly.

Overboard Part III.

1. Katherine Helmond aka Edith Mintz. I initially avoided the “Mona discussion” because in my opinion she is a pretty big star. Perhaps I shouldn’t assume that everyone has followed her career as closely as say, Tony Danza’s, but she is a real A-listers far as I am concerned.

Katherine played Goldie’s mom and matriarch of the fancy family.  She spent her days patting her turkey wattle and tell Goldie that she shouldn’t have baby “because then you won’t be the baby anymore.”

If this dress ever goes up for auction (the fool who parts with it!) I am buying it.

My goal is to be as good a mom as Edith so Ellis can grow up to be an unappreciative, spoiled jerk who wears high cut bathing suits and a 20 karat diamond ring. You have to have aspirations! So what did Katherine go on to do after Overboard?

First off, she continued to work on her turkey wattle. Naw, the above still is from Soap (well before her role in Overboard). I have to say she is a baller. Benson, Who’s the Boss? (you have to live under a rock to not know this), Coach (hey yo!), Everybody Loves Raymond and the ever popular Harry’s Law. The woman has been acting for over 40 years and received nominations for seven Emmys and four Golden Globes. The most I have achieved so far in life is a nice muffin-top. Plus she is still foxy.

The sauciest grandma around.

2. Roddy McDowell aka Andrew.

“$1.99 fish bait”

Again, I thought his career was so over-publicized that I didn’t need to cover it in my little research project. Plus he was the producer of this fine film. I mean, how can you not know who he is?  Anyway, Roddy McDowell is what we like to call a “career badass”. According to the weirdo motivational speaker, he was the heart (and money) behind Overboard. While I might not go that far, I do think his role as Andrew the butler was seminal in Joanna Stayton gaining some real insight into what a spoiled b she really was and teaching us about the repercussions of serving gelatinous muck (bad caviar) to fancy people.

McDowell had already established his cinematic street cred well before butlering Overboard . He started out as a child actor in Flicka, Lassie Come Home and How Green was my Valley?. I have never seen these films but just look at him – the dude is no joke. Over the span of his career, he starred in plays on and off Broadway as well as in over 150 movies, television stories, developed an extensive collection of movies and Hollywood memorabilia, and published five acclaimed books of his own photography.What? I didn’t even shower today. And a little bit of trivia for you – in December of 1998 The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) honored him for his acting career and critically acclaimed photography by naming its photo archive after him.The collection, which includes several million negatives and stills, will be known as the Roddy McDowall Photograph Archive at the Margaret Herrick Library. Road trip!!

Unfortunately for us all, McDowall passed away from cancer on October 3, 1998, but he left us with this quote to live by:“I absolutely adore movies. Even bad ones. I don’t like pretentious ones, but a good bad movie, you must admit, is great. “ I am not saying he was referencing Overboard but…

3. Henry Alan Miller aka Dr. Norman Korman aka Harvey Miller aka Harvey Skolnik. Doesn’t everyone have 12 names?

The writers were simply BRILLIANT when it came to character names. Rose Budd? Normal Korman? Ingenious. I didn’t initially want to write about Normypoo because I am eternally resentful of his treatment of Goldie following her rescue from “Elk Snout”; You can’t normalize an entitled lifestyle when you have eaten bugs, dammit!

In reality, Hank was actually a pretty amazing guy. Not only was he BFFs with Penny Marshall and Albert Brooks, but he pretty much dominated the entertainment biz. He was the head writer for the Odd CoupleCosell, Bobby Riggs, Billy Jean King, Paul Williams, and Alan Ludden into Hollywood. After working with Goldie on Private Benjamin (for which he received an Oscar nomination for best writing), I am certain it was clear she was the only choice for the ever complicated role of Joanna Stayton. Post-Overboard, he had cameos in Big, License to Drive, Beaches and Awakenings. He even got a shout in credits for War of the Roses and continued to be a true Hollywood star until his passing in January 1999. According to his former assistant (via IMDB):
“Harvey was always the life of every party and set. He was a unique talent and irrepressible spirit. This world is now a far less interesting place without him. He will be sorely missed.” Yet another reason why I am jealous of the Proffitt brothers – they got to kick it with a Hollywood OG.

4. Mona Lyden aka Gertie aka Mona Lyden Moore.

That Gertie, she had a heart of gold. She let Dean steal Billy away anytime he pleased and was an all around stand-up gal looking out for her man and his buddies.

Well my friends, she still is the real thing.After her fun in Hollywood which included minor roles in Hooperman (?), Beaches and Anything but Love she decided to help people find their flair. For my California-based friends and family, meet Ms. Mona Moore – founder of Personal Packaging, Inc.

Yep, it’s her. She provides color and body proportion analyses, style and wardrobe design, personal shopping and business and social etiquette. Where was she when Dean was pounding and her and Billy’s window at all hours of the night? Social etiquette my ass! No, she is legit. According to her website:
Mona Lyden Moore is a Past-President of the Association of Image Consultants International,  Southern California Chapter, a worldwide non-profit professional association specializing in visual appearance, etiquette and verbal and non-verbal communiation.[sic]

If you call her, I will totally call Greg Proffitt.

5. Ray Combs aka “Cop at Hospital”.

Oh Ray, RIP. Our favorite host of Family Feud who took his own life was a real ray of light (no pun intended. Well, maybe a little) in this flick. His limited role added a bit of levity to an intense and dramatic movie. I mean. he bought his wife a pair of panties at a garage sale. I would like to think that if his character was granted a name it would be Officer Horace Oregano. I am not sure why, but I think it’s on point.

I feel secure in my statement that Overboard was the catalyst for Family Feud producers Mark Goodson and Howard Felsher  to reach out to Ray and offer him a seven year contract to be Mr. Party Central for families across the country. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, the show enjoyed major success, however, ratings dipped in 1993 and it was dropped to syndication. Eventually Combs was replaced with the original host, Richard Dawson and everything went downhill from there.

The taping of his final episode aired in first-run syndication on May 27, 1994. During the “Fast Money” bonus round, the five answers given by the second contestant each netted zero points. Ray joked, “You know, I’ve done this show for six years and this [is] the first time I had a person that actually got no points and I think it’s a damn fine way to go out. Thought I was a loser until you walked up here. You made me look like a man.” Then, instead of mingling with the two competing families at the end of the show, Combs walked off the set immediately after his sign-off, got in his car and drove away.

 

Yikes. Aside from the Feud, Ray revved up the WWF crowd by bad mouthing the wrestlers and causing some major brawls. Dude lived on the edge. His story gets pretty sad after this, so let’s just remember our favorite Elk Cove policeman, Horace Oregano, and his contribution to what can only be described as cinematic magic.

Siskel and Ebert’s review. Siskel is obviously and idiot. Seriously, he should have been fired after this review.

OK. I think that is it. Recently I visited my OB and she asked if I “felt my family is complete” with one child. I told her “yes”, we are good to go. However, I could not say the same when it came to researching the cast of Overboard; it’s been haunting me at night (when I am not stressing out about no one showing at our neighborhood clean-up or in a crib with a toddler). Finally, I can rest.

Ellis has a long road ahead of him – 16.5 years before he can get out of this insane household.

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Elk Snout (part II)

II.

I am not sure how I could have missed the fourth Proffitt brother since I have seen the movie ten million times, but KJY pointed out that twin #2 was neglected in my previous post. As Grover says, “Oh, I am so embarrassed.” Well, let’s keep this yacht sailing.

5. Proffitt brother number four aka Greg Proffitt aka Jamie Wild aka Twin 2 was the quietest one of the group. His lack of lines (and my moment of ridiculous insanity) are no way indicative of his contributions to the movie. I mean, he wore crazy hats, yo, was in the midst of a pyro phase and, as Dean Proffitt said, was “the actor in the family”. Greg was integral to the success of Overboard.

I always wore my leather hat to my one room schoolhouse…
…unless I was wearing my button laden trucker hat. Glorious.

Where is he now? Well, the Internets lead me to believe that he resides in or near our nation’s second city. Yes my friends, right here in the Chicagoland area. I sent him a   He accepted my Facebook friend request and my subsequent inquiry leads me to believe he works in marketing – you guys can do the rest of the leg work.

 
And indeed you are reading my mind! How amazing would it be if we could organize an Overboard happy hour? Pure heaven – me and the Proffitt boys. Mr. Swirley thinks I am an idiot. Perhaps, but I know at least three people who would be incredibly jealous if I split a six pack of Old Style with these dudes. Time will tell.

On a side note, I am absolutely terrified of the powers of the Internet.

Moving on.

6. Portuguese garbage scow captain Mr. Tunatti AKA Frank Campanelli was a real catch for this cast. Pun intended. Famous for embarrassing local journalist (with terrible hair) Rose, Campanelli sang his heart out for all of Tillamook County to enjoy via K-RAB TV. Plus, he pulled the lovely Annie Goulahie out of the water following her little dip into the ocean.

Let’s be honest, he stole the show as the “Renaissance garbage man.” Though I can’t credit Overboard for launching his career, I can tell you it was a real notch in his belt. Following his 1987 seminal performance, according to the always reliable Wikipedia, Campanelli led a life playing a “tough guy” in movies and shows; his 6’5″ stature and Italian immigrant parents even helped him teach Deniro Italian as a young Vito Corleone in The Godfather: Part II. Unfortunately for us all, Mr. Campanelli passed away 2006 – but his celluloid contributions will be forever appreciated.

7.  Miss Adele Burbridge aka Doris Hess was a real something or other. Oh you know what I mean. As an esteemed teacher in the Tillamook Co. public school district’s apparently one room schoolhouse, she took it upon herself to give Dean Proffitt and his children the business. Even if that required them to take the Heinekan-Coors Miller aptitude test (Schwartman and Heinleken) while they were suffering from the dreaded poison oak. What a B…urbridge!

Well what has she done since Overboard? Jag. Caroline in the City. Night Court. Murphy Brown – need I continue? Well I can’t because I can’t find anything else on her.

8. Rose Budd (yes – that was her character’s name) aka terrible hair lady aka Carol Williard needs to be discussed. Though her role was in the film was limited, it was clearly invaluable. She was the first reporter on the scene and delved into the drama of Joanna Stayton’s amnesia. Can you imagine the pressure? Without her Dean wouldn’t have found the love of his life…his Katarina.

Following her pivotal role in Overboard,Williard stole the show in Pretty Woman as sales lady #3 in the Rodeo Drive boutique snubbing  of Julia Roberts scene. From frumpy newscaster to snotty saleslady – this woman refused to be type casted..

Impressed with her versatility? I certainly am.

In searching for an update on her current position in life I ran across this little youtube gem – you think it’s her? You might not immediately recognize Ms. Williard because, according to her, she has smoked ten million cigarettes since 1987, but it totally is.

Plus I am proud she stopped smoking.God bless her.

9. We can’t wrap up this little research project without talking about Ms. Tofuitti Klein ein ein ein aka Lisa Beth Ross. She was one of Grant Stayton’s new girlfriends after Mrs. Joanna fell off her yacht – but she was by far the most intriguing. She only had one line, but she delivered it with gusto. Check it out below.

Where is that conch-loving lady now? Still on IMDB.

I guess she only exists on the interwebs. Oh well.

So that is that. I know there a bunch more cast members that can be discussed at a future date – unless one of you wants to pick up the ball.

Hugs and kisses.

Has it escaped your attention that these children have head to toe poison oak?: An update on the cast from Overboard (1987) (part I)

To celebrate the rolling forward of clocks, resulting extra hour of daylight and tricking of my child to go to bed at 6 PM, I have decided to do a  “where are they now” report for the the cast a little 1987 flick you might have heard of…Overboard. If you know me, you are aware that this is my all-time favorite movie. I can recite line after line and unfortunately for my family, do a little too often. My research has taken me minutes to complete* and I have used numerous resources, well, four – IMDB, Wikipedia, Facebook and LinkedIN. All totally reliable.

PART I.

First off, I am going to skip Goldie Hawn and the always impressive Kurt Russel because, well, just because. For those of you who are disappointed, below is a photo to sate your hunger. These two love birds are my idols when it comes to marriage.

Let’s get  to the meat of the movie’s cast.

1. Edward Herrmann aka Grant Stayton III.

Mr. Stayton is best known for shooting clay pigeons off the top of Joanna Stayton’s (aka Annie Goulahie aka Goldie Hawn) yacht and whispering sweet nothings to Tofutti Klein via a conch phone. While in my opinion he could never surpass the glory of his role in Overboard, he continued to act in both film and television – most recently in The Good Wife, Treasure Buddies (?), and Price Check (?). And of course as the beloved pops/grampie on Gilmore Girls.

He was  also a giant, measuring in at 6’5″ and is known for narrating for many a special on the History Channel. Voice of an angel, a historically accurate angel..

2. Mike Hagerty aka Billy Pratt. I mean, they could have used his real name, no?

Billy, Dean’s (aka Kurt Russell) best friend, was best known for his ability to drink two beers in mere seconds, woo the hell out of a bowling alley attendant and doctor Goldie’s photos so well she believed she was in the navy. She was in the NAVY!

Look at that raw talent! Billy was a real natural when it came to layout and design.

So what has he done since the 1987 pinnacle (again, my humble opinion) of his career? Well in 2011 he starred alongside Mr. Herrmann in “A Christmas Wish” – so happy to see Overboard success stories keeping in touch. He was also in a 2009 episode of Monk…which ups his rankings in my book.  And a whole lot of single episode gigs plus V.I. Warshawski. I mean, how can you beat that? Billy is one of my favorite characters in film – a real pal willing to go the extra mile for a friend. Even if that meant taking the blame for an suspicious pair of panties found in Dean’s truck. Friendship people, friendship.

3. Jared Rushton aka Charlie Proffitt aka twin

Let’s be honest – he was the brains behind the motley crue of Proffitt boys. Gluing Annie’s hands to her plates? Oh yes. He wore his sunglasses at night. Literally. In my research, I came across a blog entitled washedupcelebrities.blogspot.com. First off, Rushton is not a washed up celebrity; you can’t go any higher after a movie like Overboard. And secondly, everything on this website is BS – see for yourself.


Jared is a former child star best known for his acting roles in the movies Big and Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.

WHAT Insanity. Rick Moranis and his giant bugs don’t have anything on the amazing inventiveness of Charlie. I am disgusted.

Jared has since moved on from the cinema to the music industry where he is in two independent bands.

SPOTTED ON THE FAR RIGHT!

I checked out Deal by Dusks facebook page and came across this gem – as far as I am concerned, Jared will always be the maximum.

4. Next up is Brian Price aka Travis Proffitt aka Roy.
Roy has been a name considered for animal and child alike for KJY and myself since watching this movie 15 years ago. Key chains, cats and now now my child all sport these three sweet yet powerful letters as their (nick) names. Travis was the eldest of the three Proffitt boys and struggled with a smut “habit”. Apparently he made $25K for his role (according to IMDB) – I would have paid him ten times that. Plus he is from Illinois and as a result, I am now a little more proud to call myself a FIB. I did a little Interwebs stalking and it and it appears he was bit by the entertainment bug for a short time – serving as a carpenter on movie sets (ELF, Duets and Leaving Normal) and moved on to  motivational speaking? You tell me – does young  B. Price look like the older version of B. Price found via his amazeaballs blog  here. I am not 100% sure but I would certainly sign up for one of his seminars to confirm.

5. The third Profitt son cannot be ignored. Little illiterate Joey Proffitt (aka Jeffrey Wiseman) was the heart of Overboard with his flawless delivery of “Babaaabaabaabaaa” when imitating Golide Hawn’s psychological break down to Dean while she lay on the couch.

Like his fictional older brother Roy (and I like to imagine real life best friend), young Joey was also born and raised right here in America’s heartland. Post-Overboard, he went on to “star” in Home Alone and Babe. I have been searching for anything post 2002 (when he graduated from Iowa State) and all I can find is a Facebook profile. Did I send him a friend request? Oh yes, yes I did. Facebook Jeffrey lives in Chicago, went to Iowa, looks a hell of a lot like Joey and has Overboard listed as one of his favorite movies. Fingers crossed it’s him!

It’s totally him. Little Miss K says taking him out for a beer should be on my bucket list. Sign me up!
If you ever feel like reading the script in its entirety, download it here. You will never look back.

*Please note this whole project turned out to be a little more challenging than I originally thought and I might lie to you from time to time when summarizing certain actors careers or current place in life.

Check out part II for an update on Greg Proffitt, and the garbage boat captain -Foka!

And part III for Andrew and Gertie. It shouldn’t be missed.

Click here to like Swirleytime on Facebook for quirky shares,  links and a lot of self-deprecating humor. Follow me on twitter @swirleytime.

Don’t rely on fickle Facebook for updates. Subscribe to Swirleytime below for more stories of screw-ups, caregiving and weird observations. Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.