In my spare time, I like writing obituaries.

It’s three AM. Three. Do you want to know what caused me to sit up in bed? Monday’s catered working lunch might damage the finish on our conference table as we have yet to purchase a 1000 foot long piece of glass.

What else is preventing me from nodding off?

– Painting. We need to paint everything everywhere. Mr. Swirley finished Ellis’ room last night. God bless him.
– How do we properly hang pictures in plaster. My current method of accurately pin pointing a spot and slamming a tiny nail into the wall to hold a very heavy object will likely no longer work.
– I have no pants on and am very cold. This will not motivate me to find pants, only to complain.
– As a follow up, will I actually live up to my commitment to writing a post for the awesome Families in the Loop blog if I can’t even put pants on? I certainly hope I can pull my $h!t together once we are through this move.
– The usual “Ho-Ho” questions. We finally got her into a new counseling center and I am very hopeful that this will lead to some progress/quality of life improvements for everyone. That said, she told her friend that the mafia is threatening her doctor so she won’t prescribe a ridiculous dose of prednisone. Mom also doesn’t have enough pants.
– Organic food. I am back on this kick. I try to not be insane, but wanting organic food combined with my, um frugality, is not very effective when it comes to grocery shopping. Basically we have four things in our fridge and Mr. Swirley, again, bless his soul, has said nothing. I think he knows I am tottering on the precipice of insanity and a simple, “can we get some cereal?” might send me in a downward spiral filled with tears and hiccup-crying (the WORST!)
– Ellis. Recently he has been suffering from night terrors and it makes me very sad. We are on night three (knock on wood) where he has slept through the night…which is great. Otherwise he acts like Looney Tunes’ Tasmanian Devil and just spins round and round screaming his semi-round little head off.
– Auntie FaFa – She just had a baby (Anna Louise) and I am sending good juju to their little family and Fafa’s tatas. I hope they are well (this isn’t a passive aggressive comment to elicit a phone call…just a general thought since Sweet Annie Lou entered the world.)
– Moving. Will Comcast show up today? My guess is those bitches will string me along like the desperate consumer that I am. Will the neighbors judge us based on the number of booze boxes we have used for packing? Will they follow through on the promised jello mold? (I kid you not).
– My haircut. Every year I cut my hair and every year I hate it. I tell Mr. Swirley to stop me before it’s too late, but he is right in saying I get the idea in my head and sneak off to do it without even telling him. Still, he should stop me.
– Our new neighborhood. It’s pretty awesome. Especially because of this:

Nothing reported within a half mile radius. Granted, this is is only for a two week period of time, but I checked a few and it’s so nice to not worry as much.

In my current neighborhood’s defense, I just ran the same search for our address and nothing popped up. Really I am just stoked about having a garage and not cursing the guy who scraped my bumper every morning.
– In addition to the garage, I like the sound people’s feet make on the steps. I know it sounds strange, but it reminds me of my childhood home on Madison street. Even the feeling of the wood stairs beneath my own feet is incredibly comforting.
– Saying goodbye to the neighborhood kids. I love them. Lately they have been playing games of tag at dusk…such a nice sound. I also don’t know how to explain to EK that we won’t be seeing them as often. Same for our freighbors. It’s going to cause mass confusion and heartache for all three of us.
– Weight. Specifically, will I gain a whole other person if I continue eating out using the excuse that we are moving. I realize that this is the opposite of what I said about re: organic food, but trust me, these situations are occurring simultaneously.

It is now 4AM. What an exceptionally good use of my time since I have nothing but everything to do today to prepare for Saturday’s move. Oh well.

I love this song.

With all do respect sir, I have zero respect for you.

Seven cool things I wish I wanted to do:

1.Drink black coffee. I think it tastes gross but it’s pretty hardcore.

Courtesy of postsecret

2. Ride rollercoasters. I always wanted to be that awesome girl who likes fast rides. Unfortunately I get nauseous riding the tilt-a-whirl and fight to not panic on a ferris wheel.

This is about as crazy as I get. Honestly, sometimes a merry-go-round is a little fast for me.

3. Stop biting my nails. My cousin was over this weekend and asked for a nail file. I realized I didn’t have oneĀ  because I rely on my snaggle teeth to rip off any shred of a nail longer than .25 mm. Did you know you can give someone a cold sore by biting their nails? You can.

4. Spend time in nature/camping. My hippie friends love it. They collect bear poop (scat) and wear waders so they can jump in FL rivers and maybe get bit by a ‘gator. They have lots of cool gear through Patagonia prodeals and are generally badass. I, on the other hand, give up after a mile and set up a tent on a hill in the rain. With my boots left outside to collect water overnight.

2001. This is what a good friend looks like. Or a defeated one.

5. Eat spicy foods. Ahh, to the be the girl that likes spicy foods AND rollercoasters? What a catch she would be. Instead I enjoy a nice bowl of plain rice and some water.

6. Boast an elephant’s memory. Honestly, I have pretty much the worst memory possible and I tend to show it off in the ditziest ways (e.g., “You know him. He has that face…he was at that thing…wearing those pants…you know?”, “POWMIA? What’s that?” and my favorite, “I did what in high school?” I have friends that recollect the most minute detail of someone’s outfit or a dream from 12 years ago and I am lucky if I remember to wash my face.

7. Breaking the rules. I didn’t drink in high school or drive before I had my license. I don’t lie on my taxes or paint curbs red (cough cough, Donna). I am so nervous of getting caught that I am paralyzed with fear when an opportunity to be a baller arises. Some day I will totally use the bathroom when the seat belt sign is lit up. Or not.

I think I just described KJY in listing everything I want to be/do. My man Vin, my friend, you are one lucky dude.