You snooze, you don’t win

I like to think of myself as an independent lady. But when Mr. Swirley is gone, I quickly realize how crucial he is to my actual day-to-day survival. Like my love for a good hot dog, I tend to hide my EXTREME laziness for fear that he will just up and leave me – or at least out me to my friends.

When Mr. Swirley is away I …
– shower even less. Is that possible? Yes, yes it is.
– do not eat dinner. Really any meal. I subsist solely off of cereal, string cheese, coffee, wine and maybe some water to wash down my crazy pills.
– forget to feed the cats. Repeatedly. Same goes for the litter box.
– let Ellis watch TV while I upload one more work thing to the website. And check my email.And, ooh, look what 6pm.com has on sale…
– conveniently “forget” it’s garbage day. I can still claim this is a new phenomenon for me…actually having to haul trash outside.
– will likely wear the same shirt two days in a row and possibly sleep in my bra (last night? cough cough)
– will NOT drink day old Serbian coffee. I tried and I can’t handle it.
– will remember my charger is in the bedroom and instead of moving it to my desk, spend the remainder of the day working from bed.
– consider starting various house projects and instead eat cookies (not baked by me, clearly).
– will NOT clean for house guests that are scheduled to arrive in 12 minutes.

Basically I regress to the maturity level of Ellis which isn’t very helpful to anyone. Come back Mr. Swirley – before I spend your per diem on more sparkly Christmas crap and bathmats.

p.s. Yesterday Ellis asked me if the dry spot on my ankle is a nipple. You are missing some good times here.