I always go the extra mile to avoid doing things.

My hands won’t stop sweating. Gross. It could be due to the fact that I am wearing 12 layers of clothing and sitting 1/2 inch away from a space heater that is set to 85.

Taco, taco, taco. I am not sure why that word keeps flashing in front of my eyes. Any ideas?

Ellis has been a bit of a tyrant lately. Two nights ago he woke up at 2:30 AM screaming his face off. We let him cry until 3 AM and then went into his room to check on the little man. What did he want? Yogurt. Yes, sweet, delicious early morning yogurt..served up to him by dad and only dad. Then a little tour around his room to say g’night to his friends and back down. Weirdo.

Last night I turned on his fancy, new butterfly light thing from his great grandpa and EK ran around the house yelling “buhfly, flap! flap!” and wildly waved his arms up and down.

In case you are wondering the lyrics to the traditional nursery rhyme, “Ba, Ba, Black Sheep”- it goes a little something like this.
Mom: Ba Ba black sheep have you any wool?
EK: Bobbing his head around and throwing in a baabaa
Mom: Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. On for my…
EK: Dada!
Mom: and for my…
EK: Dada!!
Mom: and for the little…
EK: Dada! Baabaaa
Mom: Black sheep…

My house is so messy. I wish I could take a giant eraser and start over again. I also haven’t checked the mail in three days because I am too lazy to walk outside. The box is three feet from my door.

Ooh! Ellis has a new friend in the building. Ms. Katelyn Rae was born a few days ago and is the sweetest peanut ever. We are besties (she peed on me, so I think that makes us friends).

In preparing for our upcoming trip to CA, I am working to stop using the term “terrorist” in reference to EK. Honestly, it’s not going too well.

We are on week two of menu planning. On Sunday, I made a curry dish that offered up enough saturated fat in one serving to max out your weekly allowance. I start to gag even thinking about it. Ellis seemed to enjoy the curried chicken until Mr. Swirley gave him a piece that appeared to singe his little mouth and thus discourage him from eating for the rest of the night (hence the early AM yogurt debacle). Oh well.


How in the heck can you wash your neck

Turkey Day 2011 is over and I can prove it by my ever expanding waist line. Similar to tricking myself into thinking soda is healthy, I am thoroughly convinced that holiday gluttony is a requirement and all those smarmy know it all MDs nagging about saturated fat is crap. I ate pie for breakfast two mornings in a row…so you see how I have to rationalize my behavior or risk the realization that I have shortened my life by three years after consuming 12 lbs of cream cheese over the course of the past four days.

Ellis was of course the star of the weekend. It would take about ten hands to count how many rounds of applause he received for various activities. Examples? Eating gets you the laughs/claps, falling too. Picking your nose? Yep. Sharing your Sesame Street characters? Obviously. Etc. etc. He is clearly going through culture shock at home now that we don’t high five him for pulling out all of the Pyrex and slamming them together. But I can’t really complain because the Ho-Hos and Dietrichs love him so much. And they let me sleep in.

T-Bone joined us for the holiday as well as the Great G, Mikey, Kenz, G&G S&G and a few other fun members of the clan. Uncle Don even slept in the garage! And Ellis was considerate enough to wait until everyone was in bed to scream his face off. Whatever, it’s not like 14 people were sleeping or anything.

Ooh, and yes, we (me and two teenagers. what?)  did go out at 5 AM on Black Friday. However, since most places opened at midnight it wasn’t all that exciting. I did get a door buster deal on a vacuum. First, I want you stop and think about the fact that I went out at five AM to purchase a vacuum. Who am I? If anything, I struck fear into the respective hearts of an 18 and 19 year old as to what the future might hold for them.  But then I injected a little bit of “Annie” into the situation and came home with three vacuums. How is this possible? I purchased one, realized it wasn’t the vacuum on sale and tried to return it. However, in the 12 feet from the register to the customer service I lost the receipt. Sweet Baby Jesus was just laughing at me – Christmas isn’t about door busters! It’s about eating pie for breakfast with your family, fool! Carly and Kenz were out in the car wondering why I was taking an hour to get refund and I was sweating bullets because I felt so dumb and could feel all of those already embittered Target staffers judging me with their oh so sleepy eyes. So $700 something later,  I purchased two more vacuums because that is what one does when you have entered crazytown…and hoped Mr. Swirley would like one of them. Luckily Target can look up receipts by credit card number after close of business so I was able to return two of the three yesterday.  Still, seriously? I am an idiot.

Here is Ho-Ho and Carly showing off their pirate smiles. Carly is 18 and will most likely be annoyed that I posted this but how you can you let me take a picture like this and expect me to keep it to myself? Plus she and our cousin Kenz watched 41 hours of Gossip Girl in four days (this is not an exaggeration) and deserve to be called out for their ridiculousness.

EK loves his Carly

Three generations enjoying Grover

EK and EK engage in a Sesame Street face off!

But the best part of the weekend (no, not when the Great G took the Elmo and Big Bird puppets and made them fight – “I don’t like you!” ” I don’t like you”…then the sound of plastic eyeballs smacking into each other) was when I captured this little diddy from “Grandpa Peanut Song”

A few more pics to document the holiday weekend…

Mike. Say it ain’t so.

Cousins hard at work during the 12 minutes they didn’t spend watching Gossip Girl.
Mr. Swirley and EK enjoying the unseasonably warm Nov. weather.
A tiny badger in Michigan gear? An angel just lost it’s wings.
Also, on a side note, during our traditional Black Friday shopping trip, Mrs. D and I spent so much time in the changing room with a topless Ho-Ho that the image of her ta-tas are forever singed into our memories. She got her bras and we got a shared nightmare to relive until our dying days.
Gobble gobble.

Stinky Petes.

I have refrained from writing about Ellis and his nasty diapers up until now. Well, technically this isn’t about his nasty diaper, so I will be able to continue to ride on my high horse for the time being. Nope, this is about poop in the tub. I am not going to elaborate. I just wanted you to know that we have reached that milestone and I don’t feel nearly as accomplished as I did when he, say, rolled over or took his first step. But a milestone is a milestone and I celebrated with a nice bleaching of the tub and 7 PM Miller Light (we are classy like that) while Mr. Swirley was off playing Ultimate with a bunch of old dudes.

In non-Ellis news, we spent Friday with Ho-Ho and it was fairly uneventful. We did make it to the Walmarts and lost her a few times…but all walked out together. I think we deserve a round of high-fives for that successful venture.