Bonne Bell lip smacker is dead

I am not sure I want to live in a world that doesn’t include Bonne Bell Lip Smacker, but according to the news, that’s exactly what will happen on March 29, 2015.

From Crain’s Cleveland Business:

The company plans to close substantially all the manufacturing and distribution operations at its location at 1006 Crocker Road in Westlake, resulting in the permanent layoffs of 91 employees there, according to a letter Westlake Mayor Dennis M. Clough received on Thursday, Jan. 29.

Berry Heavenly was my JAM!

Berry Heavenly was my JAM!

That’s messed up, man. How many Christmas mornings did you wake up to a candy-cane tubed filled with Watermelon, Strawberry and Dr. Pepper lip glosses? Or the uber-sparkly tubes that came out in the mid-90s? I could almost smell my angst when I recently popped open a rancid tube of silvery balm goodness.

Maybe the buyer, Markwins International Corp. (also owner of Wet ‘n Wild) will keep the shelves stocked with lip smacker; HEAR OUR PRAYER, MARKWINS!

But until we know the fate of our favorite flavored lip coatings, I suggest you revel in Netflix-enabled nostalgia to the tune of high bangs, caboodle loving teenage girls and everything that made the 1980s so God-damn amazing.

MV5BMTI2OTk5NTE5NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODA0NTQzMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR5,0,214,317_AL_1. Pretty in Pink. We all know the plot. What you don’t know is that my friend in high school fell madly in love with a guy she dubbed “Andrew McCarthy”. They never talked or anything, but we spent many a night making mix tapes, slathering on our mom’s beauty creams and coating our lips in Bonne Bell lip glosses just because. I mean, Molly Ringwald’s lips are/were luscious, why couldn’t 13 year-old girls aspire to such great aesthetic heights.

I re-enacted this scene in front of a nurses station at Northwestern Hospital just a few weeks ago.

2. Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Yes, I admit this film is an unexpected choice, however, it was my first exposure to unabashed cussing. If you know my family, this fact is honestly more surprising than anything. Anyway, my best friend and fellow lip-gloss aficionado introduced me to the film and we felt like real badasses. Plus the John Candy/Steve Martin duo is unbeatable. Movies like this turned us from little girls into slightly bigger girls.

Don't tell me these ladies AREN'T wearing lipgloss.

Don’t tell me these ladies AREN’T wearing lipgloss.

3. Coming to America. I might have written about this film before, however, I don’t care – it’s just that good. Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, Samuel L. Jackson (what? Yes) and SoulGlo. A prince moves to Queens to find his Queen and, as expected, 1980s-esque hilarity ensued. We watched this beast on repeat when moms and dads weren’t home whilst pressing on fake nails and lubing up our lips.

4. CLUE. OH MAH GAD. I can still hear the sound of the over-watched video tape grinding in the VCR while it played almost every weekend for the better part of the late-1980s. Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd, Tim Curry and Michael McKean were but a few of this all-star cast. I considered it an educational film as I learned about french maids, deception and the definition of the term, “red herring”.

I find myself referencing this line weekly.

5. Clerks came out in my grunge phase when I desperately wanted a boyfriend, but had no idea how to go about procuring one. Watching dudes like Jay and Silent Bob “work their magic” probably wasn’t the best way to learn about the male species, but hey, it was high school and I was clueless. I still had fun though, which is all that matters.

I plan on reliving some of my lip-smacking glory days via streaming movies and suggest you do the same. Seriously. We have to cope with this loss somehow.

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