Dog or Baby – Guess which of these walking disasters did these 25 things

Ever notice how little kids behave quite similar to their four legged, furry friends? My cousin and I penned a little quiz to see if you can really tell the difference between these ankle biters. Check it at ChicagoNow.

I love when a belt buckle reflects what someone’s hobbies are.

My heart exploded today when, after listening to Pharcyde’s Runnin’ Away, EK announced that it was his favorite song. I have a Spotify collection of inappropriate tunes circa 1995-97 to which I will gladly introduce him when the time is right. Until then, crappy college stations will have to do.

A generally SFW sampling…

OutKast – Wheelz of Steel
The Pharcyde – Soul Flower – Remix
Wu-Tang Clan – C.R.E.A.M.
Nas – If I Ruled The World (imagine that)
Lost Boyz – Renee

Also, where have I been? This guy is ahmazing.

 

We met a little psychotic girl at the grocery store tonight and I have to say it made me feel better about my kid. I am not saying EK is any more behaved than this girl, because he isn’t. In fact, he is about 10,0000 times worse. But for a few minutes I felt like maybe he isn’t a total wackjob; unless she is his Bonnie. Then we are all screwed. I also smacked down the smug checker-outer guy who loudly announced that “some people need to learn how to control their kids.” Does that make me smug too? To tell him off? I just don’t think it’s as easy as it appears to keep a terrorist at bay when they are surrounded by candy and generally strive to ruin our lives. That’s all. And it’s not like we all elect to take our 2 year olds + to go grocery shopping, but, baby’s gotta eat!

What the hell is wrong with Joe Walsh? If you don’t know what I am talking about, don’t even waste your time. Seriously. You will hate me if you look him up because you could have spent that time breathing or something.

On a happier note, tomorrow is Pączki Day!! If you don’t know what I am talking about, consider yourself ROBBED! Screw beignets, the Pope and the State of the Union…Polish doughnuts will claim Tuesday’s top news spot in our fine city…as it should be. God bless our fat American asses.

Oh, I roofied like 40% of the drinks here. It’s a numbers game.

Creeper alert! Remember how I joked about EK being the class creeper after reviewing his school evaluation? Oh, so hilarious, right? RIGHT? Well, it’s official, my son is perv. Not only did he honk my boobs TWICE today, but below you will find evidence of just how determined he is to involve himself in a sexual harassment suit in the semi-near future.

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Oh, hi Judy. That’s a great graph. Let me lean in to get a closer look

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Judy, Judy, Judy. You are TOTALLY misinterpreting this. I really just want to know about this graph. My hand slipped. It slipped!

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Bruh, did you see that? I totally just goosed Judy. Fistbump.

Balls. And I mean that in the most serious way.