My Netflix lust list…you’re welcome

Listen, I’m a happily married woman. I think my husband is a stone cold fox. But that doesn’t mean mama doesn’t like a little eye candy now and then…ON DEMAND.

Just stop.

Just stop.

1. Honestly, I could stop here with IDRIS M’FING ELBA.I loved the Wire (Netflix, you need to step up your game and carry that series) and was quite pleased to see my boyfriend Mr. Elba on Luther. He is sooooo fancy with his accent and brooding demeanor. I want to have his babies. The show’s plot and acting are stellar as well.

Dear BBC – PLEASE KEEP FILMING THIS SERIES. Forever. OK? And Netflix, don’t even think about not picking it up.

2. Fine, I’ll keep going because I care about you all. Charlie Hunnam. If you don’t know him, you are officially dead to me.

Watch all SEVEN season of Charlie, er, I mean Sons of Anarchy and enjoy. Heads up, it’s pretty rough and tumble, but totally worth it for the story and badass Jax (Charlie’s character)/


Source: Kyle Chandler’s official twitter account

3. Coach Taylor makes not one but TWO appearances on Netflix. One, the obvious, Friday Night Lights, a show filled with pretty people (dare I say one of the most attractive casts ever assembled?), clear eyes, full hearts, and good acting. And two, the recently added Netflix original, Bloodline. In the latter, Kyle Chandler (aka Coach) plays a conflicted brother (and Sherriff) who has to navigate some pretty murky waters with asshole brothers and a lot of family secrets.It’s a little slow at times, but I enjoyed watching the series as it twisted and turned.

Bonus: The show’s been renewed folks. MEOW.

4.. Captain Hilarity, er, I mean Will Arnett tops my list of skilled actors/comedians who have my heart. It makes me so sad that he and Amy split – they were my marriage dream team. Anywhoo, I thoroughly enjoy watching him throw his comedic spray all over Netflix. Arrested Development? Four seasons with another in the works, fools.The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret? Yah. Mansome? Ew. And yes. This last item is a documentary with Morgan Spurlock that “examines what defines masculinity in our modern culture of male grooming products and suave celebrities.” Plus a few other cameos.

Arnett is my celebrity spirit mate

5. And finally, Jesse Pinkman (IRL Aaron Paul).

Don’t mind Aaron…he’s JUST TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE. Come on, how sweet is he?

That’s right, friends! It’s not past me to say that a meth-head turned meth cook and dealer is attractive. Watch as Paul’s character evolves over all five seasons of Breaking Bad and then tell me you aren’t enamored. Plus there’s that whole critical acclaim thing associated with the show.

downloadAnd I’m just going to say it: I think both Walters are cute too. So there.

Call me a pervo or say I’m objectifying celebrities. Whatever. Everyone listed above is a highly skilled actor and welcome in my house any day. You hear that? ANY DAY.

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5 hilarious Netflix shows that make you feel like less of a jerk

Sometimes I think I am kind of a jerkface. Or at least the television I enjoy watching is full of a$$holes which makes me think maybe I have a little of that in me? I mean, you don’t think smarmy humor is funny unless you too are kind of mean, right?

Still with me? Alright! Maybe you too are kind of a meanie. If so, I suggest you stream these Netflix goodies so you can let loose and revel in your bad attitude, nay, OUR bad attitudes.

1. The League.I found this show when I pregnant and bed-ridden. OK, maybe I wasn’t bed-ridden, but like I said, I am a jerk and faked it a little so I could watch these until my eyeballs fell out. I even took to using applicable League quotes as blog post titles because they are so effing funny.

Oh, and if you actually care about plot, it’s about a group of long-time friends involved in a fantasy football league.

A few of my favorites lines:

“Words are bullshit. They are just useless sounds that we make with our stupid mouths. Knives… That’s how stuff gets done.” (Raffi)

“No. If Sofia and I split up, 50% of my time, I would have to spend 100% of my time with my kid. Right now, I’m rocking, like, 50% coverage 30% of my time. You cannot beat those numbers.” (Ruxin)

“You are not just clients to us, but nameless strangers with money as well.” (Taco)

“This dog is real, your baby’s hypothetical. And, I think, a mistake.” (Andre)

The current season of The League can be viewed on FXX.

2. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If I ever need to feel better about my own asshattery, all I have to do is stream an episode of ‘It’s Always Sunny” and I am Atlas no more. It is such a profoundly offensive show. You know the cool/not cool scale where one can ostensibly be so uncool they are cool? Maybe this show…actually,no,no this show can NEVER BE inoffensive.

It’s great and horrible all the same time. Current season can be viewed on FXX.

yes. dear God, yes.

yes. dear God, yes.

3. Louie. Louie CK writes, edits, directs and produces this hilarious FX show (show-off is more like it. ) Playing a fictionalized character of himself, he is a recently divorced dad of two girls living the dream in NYC while working as a stand-up comedian. As far as making the viewer uncomfortable, Louie nails it. But I think that is why I love this show – because normalizing the awkward and absurd means you can’t take yourself too seriously. Watch season 4 on FX in winter 2015

4. An Idiot Abroad. Ricky Gervais is such a massive jerk – the kind of jerk I totally want to befriend. Short story: Ricky’s friend, Karl Pilkington, hasn’t traveled much outside of the UK. Enter Ricky and Stephen Merchant who plot out international adventures to “help” Karl broaden his horizons. Needless to say, Karl is often unimpressed – especially when Ricky and Stephen throw him under the bus.

It’s freaking hysterical. Plus Karl got a book deal out of the whole thing and a few extra trips to exotic locales.

5. Wilfred. Netflix’s description: This offbeat comedy follows the experiences of a depressed man who becomes convinced that his neighbor’s dog is actually a man wearing a costume.

So yea, it’s pretty obvious why I am recommending this sucker. Oh, and it’s also fairly inappropriate. Catch the current season on FXX.

6. Arrested Development. Listen, if you haven’t seen this show, I really don’t know what to say. I mean, I guess I can “I’m sorry for you. You have been robbed of joy and happiness. Whoever denied you such pleasure should be strung up and forced to listen to the people who drive down my alley honking day and night.”

Also, this is the meanest, most dysfunctional family and I wish Lucille would have adopted me instead of Hel-loh “Annyong” Bluth. I hate that kid.

I am also pretty angry at the FOX execs for letting this one go and IN LOVE with the Netflix folks who produced another season (you know who you are).

So there you have it. If you are in a dickish mood, or just need your wicked behavior validated, watch any (I suggest ALL) of these shows. I mean, you can’t be that terrible when you compare yourself to pretty much any of the above-listed characters.