Shirley I’m gonna be perfectly blunt with you, the few times you’ve been a little bad are when I liked you the most.

Our friends Meghan and Sung, and their two sweet little men, are departing God’s country (aka the Midwest) to Washington state. It’s one of those bittersweet situations where you are so incredibly proud and happy for someone, but so sad that their achievements are taking them away from you. Meghan is a GP and Sung just finished up his ENT residency…and, they just had a baby! They like to do things in quick succession – like graduate med school, get married, move into a new condo and start their residencies within only a few weeks. This time around they finished their residencies, had a baby, sold their condo, did some traveling, stood in her sister’s wedding and are setting off for the great Hispsterville known as the pacific Northwest. I suppose a move was inevitable and am grateful for the time they did live in the Midwest, but it still kind of blows.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t take a little bit of credit for their success as doctors. I know, it’s hard to believe that someone with no formal medical training could help shape a doctor’s outlook on dealing with patients, but Meghan has even told me so. How? We’ll make Tuesday confession-day and I will tell you.

Let’s walk back in time, shall we? To 2002. I was at Mr. Swirley’s house and punctured my ear drum with a q-tip during a routine ear jamming session. Yep, super suave. I sat at my desk while my ear bled for much of the day with a Kleenex sticking out of my earhole. Finally, bossman Sherman took me to the Georgetown ER where I proclaimed that my ear started to spontaneously bleed in the morning and hadn’t stopped since. Those silly doctors with their raised eyebrows TOTALLY bought it. They passed me around from specialist to specialist, examined my stubby finger nails and asked me if I stuck a pencil in there. I continued to deny putting anything into my ear because that totally makes sense. Finally, an ENT stopped pretending to be baffled and moved the conversation to cosmetic surgery by suggesting to pin back my ears…”you know, for when you are working out in the gym.” I told Meghan this story and she asked me why I lied, to which I responded, “I have no idea.” Seriously, I don’t. Who lies about something like that? An insane person, that’s who. Since then, she has informed me that my story has stuck with her when she is dealing with patients and I like to think that because her bullshit meter is set on high, she is that much a better doctor. You are welcome! As repayment, I think you should stay.

Wise words? Bring it.