I wish my mouth was farther away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain.

I hate the band Train. Like A LOT. More than I hate Kesha (no, I will not let her use a $ as an “S”. She is useless) or green peppers (since getting pregnant with EK). Why do they keep making music?  I apologize if you are one of the 14 people who downloaded their most recent CD, but seriously? I hope Virginia ran far far away.

Today we were informed that EK is the resident pervo at FYC. Examples? How about trying to smooch his buddy Lily during lunch while she was donning only a diaper. Another one? Yelling “It’s showtime!” while another girlfriend was getting her diaper changed. Thankfully neither Lee nor I can take credit for that one.

I just spent an hour trying to get Ellis to fall asleep in his bed. The one-sided conversation went something like this (and it’s pretty likely that you would have understood four words total)…

Mama big boy bed? Dada big boy bed? Elmo big boy bed? Tuck old friends in. Night night Elmo. Night night Abby. Night  night. Awake! Night night. Awake! Blanket? Pillow? Cozy. Mama nice to Ellis? Family hug? (putting me in a headlock). Milk. I like milk. Moo Cow. Cool bed. Eye. Count eyes. One (poke), two (poke), three (poke), four (poke), five, six, seven, (poke) … NOSE! Mama soft hair (pull). Play mama’s hair? Family hug? Dada sleep? Read book? FAMILY HUG! Close door? Ellis close door (gets up and pushes door close). Ellis big boy. Lulu big boy. Gus big boy. HOMER! Meow. WILLIE! Willie cat. Mama nice [to] Ellis? Rub back. Peanut song? No. Papi no know peanut song. How ’bout twinkle twinkle. TWINKLE TWINKLE. Yea!

and repeat.

Last week I called a guy working at a camera store “Mr. Fancypants cameraman” after he told me that I needed to upgrade my camera because it doesn’t have an HD camcorder. How many pieces of equipment does one person need? And why should we pitch/trade in a perfectly good camera (before we got sand in it) just because it’s eight years old? Weirdo.

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Wise words? Bring it.