Dollar Menu

It’s 1000 degrees outside. I am not exaggerating. My fruit snacks turned into a fruit snack. Ellis is currently laying on the floor looking at a block. Just looking at it. You know it’s hot when a baby doesn’t want to move. So today is the day I decide to run a ton of errands with an 11 month old. In and out of the car where I might singe my flesh if I accidentally brush the exterior with an arm or leg. Perfect.

First stop: Walgreens to pick up Ho-Ho’s refills and wrapping paper. We have had a wedding present in our house since, um, May for the Macvages. Just sitting in the living room being chewed on by a hungry child. If you had to wrap a present, where would you do it? Your basement? Living room? Kitchen? How about a parking lot? With the sun beating down on your sunscreen-free neck? Yes, that was me today. While Ellis sat in the AC’d car eating my keys, I wrapped a wedding present on blacktop. And you can totally tell it is a parking lot job. I did plan ahead and brought tape and scissors. Pretty classy, I know. 

On to Babies ‘R Us where there are approximately four spaces for 200 cars. Once we got a spot, we walked for what felt like forever towards the commercial oasis filled with junk made by tiny Chinese children. Ahh. Ellis lasted in the cart for three minutes and then demanded to be carried while he bent over at a 90 degree angle. I found some gifts for my nephews and stuff for EK and headed for check-out. I decided there and then that I needed to fill out Macvages’s card so we could drop the gift off post-shopping. While writing something that I am sure makes no sense and is likely illegible, Ellis proceeded to spill an entire bag of Cheerios on the ground. I am that mom. The one you find simultaneously entertaining and pitiful. I just give in to it and hope that no permanent damage is done to EK and/or nearby children.

We dropped off the present and headed out to Ho-Ho’s because I am a glutton for punishment. Mom was upset about an earring that was “stolen” from one ear while she was napping. She also complained about not being able to hear on her cell phone so I turned the volume up. “I didn’t turn the volume down,” she said.  I guess the most logical explanation is someone came in, spilled blue stuff on her toilet seat, stole her earring and turned her phone volume down. OK. I packed up my bags and baby and left.

On  the way out of town Ellis completely lost his cool. Like head exploding, shreikmonster freak out. Guess what I fed him as a bribe to quiet down:

1. string cheese
2. broccoli bits
3. french fry

Mhmm. I could hear his fat cells expanding as I handed him that one inch long grease stick. But he stopped crying in rush hour traffic, so that was nice. Then we headed to a new indoor playground near our place for some QT with mom. From what I can gather, you bring your kid there, pay at the registration desk and let them run free while you talk to your friends about schools, vacations and the like. Ellis held his own but there were definitely some freewheeling toddlers in there. While eavesdropping I learned that I can enroll Ellis in soccer at 18 months and that these ladies will likely fight me to the death for a spot in a neighborhood magnet schools. Bring it, hussies.

2 thoughts on “Dollar Menu

Wise words? Bring it.