Happy zero birthday. Please come today as my maternity clothes are about to fall apart.
p.s. Mr. Swirley would like you to come so I can stop obsessing over dirty dishes.
p.p.s. “Soaking” a dirty dish doesn’t equate to cleaning it.
p.p.p.s. (can I even write that?) I would say this is what you missed – but since you decided to keep cooking, you probably got to eat some of these tasty treats. Neighbors, friends and uncle Austin came to over for an impromptu zero birthday celebration, except you were fashionably late. And by fashionably late, I mean you didn’t show up.