Animal print pants out of control.

My hands smell like a mixture of urine and really bad breath. No, it’s not from a diaper or bathroom mishap. It’s due to my mom’s new Walmart candles. I am not sure who decided that vanilla hazelnut candles (which are already incredibly offensive to my olfactory sensory neurons) should include a slight dose of urine combined with halitosis to really set these candles apart…but let me tell you, it’s got to be bad if I am complaining.

I also feel terrible about not buying Ho-Ho a tree. I should get her a wreath, but that means a second trip out there this weekend and more money spent. Call me Ebeneezer if you will, however, we are hemorrhaging money when it comes to her and it’s not like there is one square inch of table/floor/seat space to set a tree. Especially with the life-size Santa sitting on her guest chair. Yes, life. size. But she doesn’t feel like her apartment is festive enough.

Ellis now says “no”.

So last week we hosted the IL visit of the Thornleys (you know my 80th cousin 12 times removed, or something). It was, as the Czechs say, tak super. We visited the Children’s Museum, Shedd Aquarium, Ms. Anna’s family farm and our basement couch. All the while little Libs (almost two years old) referred to me as “carrot” and “cow” because she had met a cow named “Annie” a week prior to their visit. Apparently she also wanted to pet me.



smooching the whales

Ze meatball!

Ellis and Libs kept it real the entire time and almost convinced me that two kids under two could be sort of awesome. Libby spent much of her time showing Ellis the way of the world (“NO! Eleees”, “Watch Eleees!”, “Come Eleees!” “Eleees!”) Add the meatball to the mix (“lil” potter – 3.5 months old, 45 lbs and probably the sweetest kid this side of the Mississippi) and it was a pretty sick weekend. I even missed them after they left. I know! Crazy!

In the last week I have spent approximately one zillion dollars on Christmas gifts with not much to show for it. Yesterday we went to IKEA where I spent more money and Ellis screamed the entire time. I now can tell the difference between judging eyes and empathetic eyes..the latter are usually accompanied by a small smile and head tilt and the formerĀ  includes narrowed eyes and flared nostrils. An IKEA worker suggested I go to the family room (AKA family bathroom with a chair…gross) because of the screaming. A nap is a nap – wherever, whatever. I should have told him that I am damn patriot spending money at a foreign chain but of course I didn’t. I also didn’t go to the family room and instead kept shopping. Santa has work to do, yo.

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