My Netflix lust list…you’re welcome

Listen, I’m a happily married woman. I think my husband is a stone cold fox. But that doesn’t mean mama doesn’t like a little eye candy now and then…ON DEMAND.

Just stop.

Just stop.

1. Honestly, I could stop here with IDRIS M’FING ELBA.I loved the Wire (Netflix, you need to step up your game and carry that series) and was quite pleased to see my boyfriend Mr. Elba on Luther. He is sooooo fancy with his accent and brooding demeanor. I want to have his babies. The show’s plot and acting are stellar as well.

Dear BBC – PLEASE KEEP FILMING THIS SERIES. Forever. OK? And Netflix, don’t even think about not picking it up.

2. Fine, I’ll keep going because I care about you all. Charlie Hunnam. If you don’t know him, you are officially dead to me.

Watch all SEVEN season of Charlie, er, I mean Sons of Anarchy and enjoy. Heads up, it’s pretty rough and tumble, but totally worth it for the story and badass Jax (Charlie’s character)/


Source: Kyle Chandler’s official twitter account

3. Coach Taylor makes not one but TWO appearances on Netflix. One, the obvious, Friday Night Lights, a show filled with pretty people (dare I say one of the most attractive casts ever assembled?), clear eyes, full hearts, and good acting. And two, the recently added Netflix original, Bloodline. In the latter, Kyle Chandler (aka Coach) plays a conflicted brother (and Sherriff) who has to navigate some pretty murky waters with asshole brothers and a lot of family secrets.It’s a little slow at times, but I enjoyed watching the series as it twisted and turned.

Bonus: The show’s been renewed folks. MEOW.

4.. Captain Hilarity, er, I mean Will Arnett tops my list of skilled actors/comedians who have my heart. It makes me so sad that he and Amy split – they were my marriage dream team. Anywhoo, I thoroughly enjoy watching him throw his comedic spray all over Netflix. Arrested Development? Four seasons with another in the works, fools.The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret? Yah. Mansome? Ew. And yes. This last item is a documentary with Morgan Spurlock that “examines what defines masculinity in our modern culture of male grooming products and suave celebrities.” Plus a few other cameos.

Arnett is my celebrity spirit mate

5. And finally, Jesse Pinkman (IRL Aaron Paul).

Don’t mind Aaron…he’s JUST TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE. Come on, how sweet is he?

That’s right, friends! It’s not past me to say that a meth-head turned meth cook and dealer is attractive. Watch as Paul’s character evolves over all five seasons of Breaking Bad and then tell me you aren’t enamored. Plus there’s that whole critical acclaim thing associated with the show.

downloadAnd I’m just going to say it: I think both Walters are cute too. So there.

Call me a pervo or say I’m objectifying celebrities. Whatever. Everyone listed above is a highly skilled actor and welcome in my house any day. You hear that? ANY DAY.

Click here to like Swirleytime on Facebook for quirky shares,  links and a lot of self-deprecating humor. Follow me on twitter @swirleytime.

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Remembering Mom: A Cooperative Project

Last week someone asked me to describe my mom before she got sick. However, try as I might, I only have a handful of memories of her before everything went to Hell in a handbasket. Of course, this isn’t some sort of pity party. Well, maybe it is a little…but mostly for her.

We do alright.

We do alright.

Honestly, I actively work to NOT remember because it inevitably leads me to the bottom of a dark well: Ardie Ho-Ho was royally screwed in this life. I mean, that’s what it’s really about, right? She lost everything. What’s worse is that she is somewhat aware of this fact.


Keep reading at ChicagoNow…

8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we?

photo(1)1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card.

Keep reading at ChicagNow.

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn’t make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain.

Let me break it down for you.

1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process.

2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to 20 schools outside of our neighborhood boundaries.)

3. I then hoped, prayed and assumed that things would work out. They have to work out, because, well, I don’t know. I choose hope?


Read more at ChicagoNow…

Stream these 5 hilarious comedies while feeding your new baby

My friends Dave and Sio just popped out a fresh-baked baby. She’s sweet and sleepy and loves to eat. A lot. Sometimes I forget about the time spent pumping,nursing and bottle feeding. Or pretending to pump/nurse but really just needing a break. And then I meet a new baby and it all comes rushing back.

Read more at ChicagoNow…

Caregiving Chronicles: Medicare might give up on mom, but we certainly won’t

Guess who’s going to rehab!?!? No, not your favorite celebrity starlet. Well, maybe.  But I’m talking about none other than my mom, Ardie Ho-Ho.

Get excited, G-dammit!

Since January, Ho-Ho hasn’t walked much. We sherpa’d her to the bathroom enough times to realize that her MS was being a real bitch. Although she was hospitalized for two weeks, her admission status was in fact “under observation”, not “in-patient”. Big deal? YES, BIG EFFING DEAL!


Read more at ChicagoNow…

This Week’s Top Ten Parenting Fails According to My Kid

1. At 2:30 AM today, I was summoned from Dreamland by a screaming preschooler. I did what any responsible parent would do and covered my head with a pillow. However, his relentless cries finally won out and, after dragging myself out of bed, was told that I “ruined his birthday party by not playing the right songs”  in August of 2014. That’s right, last August.

Read more at ChicagoNow…

Choose hope and work to end pediatric cancer this Donna Day!

Do you remember when you were small?
How everybody would seem so tall
I am your shadow in the dark
I have your blood inside my heart
— Spoon, “Me and the Bean

donnaToday is Donna Day. It’s a day to celebrate the life of Donna Quirke-Hornik, who was pirated away from this world by childhood cancer at four years, two months, four weeks, and one day old.

Read more at ChicagoNow…

Going postal! I love you so harGoing postal! I love you so hard, snail maild, snail mail

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like, ‘huh? What the hell is this?’ But if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like, ‘this is nice!’ – Demitri Martin

I love mail. All types. Food, packages, packages filled with food, cards, letters, raw mail. You name it, I want it on my front porch.

Read more at ChicagoNow…

Caregiving Chronicles: 4 “must-stream” feely movies on Netflix

My friend Mary Tyler Mom wrote the most exquisite piece on caregiving for aging parents. It’s candid, tragic and perfectly articulates the complete and utter bullshitness that is our health care system in the good ole US of A.

We don’t talk about the ugly side of aging much. I know the term “sandwich generation” is now part of our cultural vernacular, and will continue to gain popularity as the Baby Boomers age out of retirement and into the ugly end of life stuff we don’t want to discuss. Plus caregiving isn’t sexy (unless it’s for my mom who is offering up used lingerie).

However,  while it’s not incredibly popular in Hollywood, I’m pleased that there exists some representation of those ill as well as their sometimes reluctant caregivers. If I have leanred anything from Mary Tyler Mom, it’s that caregiving can be isolating; whether it be in a movie or a support group, hearing someone say aloud your darkest thoughts can sometimes be more validating than ten bazillion dollars spent on counselors’ co-pays.

Still interested? Below are a few movies you can stream courtesy of Netflix that ring true to life and offer an intriguing plot line.

tumblr_inline_n26f921BIE1qjdjby1. A few months ago I watched Nebraska (2013), starring Bruce Dern, Will Forte, June Squibb, and Bob Odenkirk. Dern picked up a “Best Actor” award at Cannes and the film was nominated for six, yes six, Academy Awards. It’s phenomenal.

Dern plays a father showing the early signs of cognitive impairment (no diagnosis offered) and Forte, his son, takes his father on a fool’s errand from Big Sky country to Nebraska to shut the old man up. The film is simultaneously humorous and depressing in its depiction of confusion brought on by the aging process as well as family members’ responses to new and unpredictable behavior from their loved ones.

Whether the plot hits close to home, or you are a sympathetic soul with a sense of humor, this bittersweet movie is worth your eyeballs’ attention.

2. Steel Magnolias (1989) will forever be one of my top ten movies ever made; armadillo cake, helmet hair and undying devotion to loved ones make this emotional drama such a fabulous (and exhausting) way to spend an afternoon.

tumblr_msfbpolLqW1sbhxjro1_250A close-knit group of six Louisiana women come together at Truvy’s (Dolly Parton’s) beauty shop to laugh, cry, drink orange juice and shoot birds. The film follows them through the years as they take care of one another through good times (weddings, babies) and bad (unexpected deaths, abusive relationships). It’s a movie that highlights the fact that life is beautiful even when it’s ugly.

It’s freaking perfect.

91e1Q2-hzAL._SL1500_3. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1994) stars a young Johnny Depp and even younger Leo DiCaprio. Meow Depp’s character, Gilbert, is charged with caring for his morbidly obese mama, cognitively impaired seventeen-year-old brother (DiCaprio) and little sisters, whilst working at a dead end job in a sad little midwestern town. Cue a love interest and the inner turmoil that follows weighing wants vs. responsibilities.

Both intense and lovely, the film does an excellent job illustrating the many conflicting thoughts of a caregiver.

4. If you haven’t seen Silver Lining Playbook (2012), you should sit yourself down on your couch and immediately stream this eight-time Oscar-nominated sucker. Bradley Cooper portrays a bi-polar protagonist just released from the psych ward and into his parent’s care. Jennifer Lawrence, AKA the queen of everything awesome, plays a recently widowed 20 (30?) -something who has her own set of coping issues. After meeting meeting Cooper, JLaw’s character offers to help him reunite with his wife in exchange for pairing up with her for a dance competition. Obviously.

Through their odd relationship, they come to care deeply for one another AND enable each other to move through their respective pain and accept their own neuroses. It’s a charming movie that addresses mental illness and promotes conversation in a sensitive and respectful manner.

What did I miss? Please share your recommendations  below!

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